Quite a while.

I'd say its been a good four or so days since i last wrote to you..
And havnt they just been hectic!
I've been so busy i can hardly keep track of the days.
Rehersal's, meetings,duties, so much.
Also, the NME gig last night.. <33333333333333333

WAS SOOOO GOOD .

Not only.. did we actually get IN, ( we may not have as the tickets wernt legally ours :P)
But, we got RE SEATED to the front row next to the stage! Aha ;)
Plus we were sitting next to the woman who's tickets they were in the first place :P

Mwwwahhhaa
That, coupled with strongbow and marlboro reds, was just Perfectó :)

I got home at around 12am, sat up and watched my missed skins episode ( which was pretty Shit apart from the lesbian scene !I was like :O :D )
Stayed up till around 2ish, then went to bed.. only to wake up at 6 today! Grr..
I had to meet adam early so i could get my stuff and get changed into my Clothes as i left my bag round his rather then taking it to the gig with me.
Makes sense right?

Yeahh.

So today is Friday.. and now its the weekend.
I was supposed to be going to an Foam party on ice with Jay today.. but.. I didnt have enough money so my aunt decided to trap me into baby sitting.. instead of offering me like £4, Four measly quid!
All so she can go out! Grr.. ohwell..
I guess i better had start saving up for my party anyway..

It still doesnt change the fact that i dont get to see him though!
I was hanging out with his Brother today after Ed. , and i thought about following through and asking him about Jay like i was going to..but, i realised i wasnt ready too.
Not yet..
So we just went to Sam's ( a chicken place) grabbed some food and had a chat, and i told him more about myself.. not the happy loud sadie, but the sadie that went through a stage of Manic depression, that had a nervous break down, that comes from a broken family home, that moved out when she was 13, that has two junkie's for parents, that had to have councilling, that was put on sleeping pills because of the depression...etc etc.

He was in stunned silence throughout the most of it...
I understand it must've been wierd, thinking you know somebody, then finding out that they have a completely different side to them.
As i told him, when you get to a certain point, like i did, you can hide how broken you are on the inside from other people.
It honestly isnt difficult at all.

At the end of the convo, i went, " So hi!, im Sadie!" and we just laughed.

It's nice to be able to laugh sometimes.


SecretAlias,

xx

I think that..

This is the longest I've gone without blogging since i made my account..
TWO DAYS!!
Feels like a goddamn year.

It's Tuesday.. I've washed, cooked, cleaned, spent extra time after school and attended break duty.
I managed to piss My head of year off today.. which was a plus Tbh!
sometimes he needs to know that he can be an absolute penis!
Today I'm feeling.. distant.
More on the sad side then happy, but I'm in the kinda mood where i don't really give a fuck.
I'm looking forward to Thursday so much its untrue..
Finally, a time to chill out !
And i also get to hang out with one of my best mates, Adam, who i haven't really chilled with in a while.
We are going to buy strongbow and get a little bit legless :P
O2 WATCH OUT AD'Z AND SADIE ARE ABOUT!
Hopefully I'll be going to the foam party in Romford the next day as well, but I'm not sure yet!
i really want to but... I don't know..
Jay's going to be there.. and as much as i want to see him.. i kind of dont.. because i feel like, untill i know where i stand.. i shouldnt get closer then i already am.. but.. i also think " well why dont i take a chance."

Gahh..


SecretAlias
xx

Great.

He's not coming to the gig.
Fab-Fucking-taculous.


This day.. has been.

SHITÉ.

But on the upside, my mate Adam is coming along with me to the gig, and we shall have lots of fun and get very drunk and watch four fantastic bands.

Your missing out.

SecretAlias, xx

Im blogging a bit to much haha!

Sorry about the almost constant update of blogs pretty much daily!
It proves how exciting my life must be eh?

At the moment... i feel RUBBISH.

I feel like there's nothing to look forward too ... like there's no goals!!

Obviously there is, but at the moment i cant seem to push myself that little bit further to reach them.
And its infuriatingly annoying!

Love life = Ridiculous..
Home life = Ridiculous..
Work life = well, lets not even GO there shall we.

Do you know what my freind Jorden said to me the other day?

"Sadie, why do you always like people that like other people?"

I thought about it.. and its true.
I'm like a magnet for emotionally wrecked people..

But the thing is i like him, and i've thought about it and im not willing to let this pass me by..
But i have to wait for the right moment..
If i blubber out my feelings now.. it could scare him away, and destroy the freindship we have already.

I wished this Ex didnt have such of a hold over him.. he seems so blinded by her, that he's oblivious as to what else, and who else is out there for him..


SecretAlias

xx

Update :

So, update... i havnt written for a couple of days..

There's not much to report... 

I'm not feeling amazingg, actually.. im feeling pretty damn rubbish atm..

I'm really emotional for some reason.. and i hate it. 

I hate being emotional... its not me.

I'm confused on the whole"person i like" front... 

I dont know wether to go ahead and tell him.. or take a back seat and see if he comes to me..

I think we really could be good for eachother.. and i know i'd never hurt him.

He just.. clicks with me. 

he provides me with topical conversation, quiet moments, cute moments, and banter.

And, i think he's good looking too! 

Problem is, he's heartbroken.

Yes, thats right, you heard me, Heartbroken.

How could i possibly tell him how i feel... when he's pining for somebody else..

Im getting all the right signs from him.. but suddenly.. i feel asthough pulling away would be the best thing for me..

yet im unsure on wether its nerves talking.

We shall see..

SecretAlias, 

xx

Valentines park

Was quite good, to say the least!!

Me, Jay, Patrick and Sinead met up in eastham and went to ilford for a little skating session!
It was lovely to finally get outt've the house for a bit, as i've been feeling quite claustraphobic for a while!!
And it was also lovely, to see that person again..
I feel, it is safe to assume, we are both interested, judging from today's events ( nothing outlandish of course)
However.. i am hesitant.. as i feel he is distrusting of the female race at the moment, due to his own life issues.. so i dont want to push to hard, in case it scares him away.
But then, i dont want to push to little.. otherwise he may get bored and think " she's not interested anymore"

I'm currently thinking on wether to invite him to the NME big gig next thursday..
but think maybe its too much?
I'll have to consult a very special member of my family to help me with this one, as i dont want to make the wrong choice.
I'd love him to come along though.. it would be a chance for us to get to know each other more, without the presence of other people.. and also without the barricade of "THE INTERNET".
Whatever happens.. he wants to make plans to go out again sometime.. so.. it cant be all bad.
Can it?

More updates coming soon,

SecretAlias, xx

a BOOMING start to my first blog :)

I.. have just kicked out another person i didn't need in my life.
It feels liberating to say the least.
She has been clutching to my last nerve like a newborn baby to a mothers breast for months... but today was the day, to chuck the baby out with the bath water.
I just .. snapped..
3 years... of pent up frustration at her inability to see further then her own reflection... i simply had enough.

So, 1 down, and probably countless more to follow.

So back to the basics of life, wait. No.
I dont want to start my first blog with the cliché line up of " HI GUYS :D so this is my first blog right?!"
I dont write like that, first and foremost.

I dont write in a particular order either, so forgive me if i confuse you at one point during my time on blogspot.. but that's just " how i roll"

What i will do though...
is let you in on the plans for tomorrow.

1) Rollerblading ;) * i know it sounds majorly nerdish.. but hey, what can i say? *

thats practically it.
what an interesting life i lead!

Oh yeah.. i possibly might be going to the NME big gig, next thursday..
and i have a special someone in mind to ask... ;)

But more details of that will arise in my next post, after skating tomorrow ;)

Au reviour mon amies!

x