Sooo..

I'VE ALMOST LEFT THE SHITHOLE! complete reason to party.
There's a very strong chance that im going to start work soon in a hotel down london, £800 a month? MINT.
I had a big arguement with Adam the other day. and i've decided i dont want him in my life.. not now, not ever. i cant deal with people lying and making up stories, and trying to fucking annoy me all the time, just because its "fun"? He need's to get his head checked, because that's not normal. AT ALL.

I spoke to Michelle properly the other day.. and i shared my biggest secret with her... because i told her i trusted her infinitely.. and i do.
She actually cried.. that made me feel incredibly awkward.. but kinda nice at the same time..she told me that she felt privileged that i felt i could tell her, and that she trusts me 100% too. greatt :)

She thought that we might be a bit weird.. because we haven't seen each other for a while.. and there's a lot of guy confusion at the moment.
basically.. there's a dude called Jamie.. and he's our friend.. now, i like jamie, not loads, but enough.. and we kissed at Taylor's party, he kissed Me.
but he'd only been broken up with his then gf sam, for about a week or two.. and he love's her.
BUT - and here's where it gets tricky- Michelle used to like him Load's.. then they lost contact, and she found her fiance ron.. Now Jamie's back in her life... and she likes him again.. not enough to break up with ron because she loves him massively... but it doesn't help that Jamie apparently likes her too..
it's very confusing.. and Michelle and i were talking about it and she was like even if she wasn't with ron, she wouldn't go with Jamie anyway, because she knows i like him plus i kissed him.. and i went well he's pretty much fucked it for himself hasn't he loll?

Soo yeah.. it's as fucked up as ever.. as usual.
When is MY love life ever normal?

You know what Michelle said to me? that she feels bad.. because she has so much happiness.. and she doesn't deserve it.. and that after talking to me and hearing my FULL story ( my secret) she's so angry, because i manage to keep up such a happy front all the time, but i never get any luck, and she wished that she could give me her happiness..

ii nearly cried when i heard that.. because it was true, i never do have any luck.. and the fact that she felt that much compassion for me.. just blew me away really.

Friends, Michelle. <3


SecretAlias, xx

Prisoner.

Complete Bollock's.

Seriously.

I feel trapped in this shitty house.. trapped by my family, trapped by everything.
It's like im backed into a corner when all i need is for people to give me a wide Berth.
i need SPACE. My aunt, is such a hipocrite at the moment, she wont let me go out, ONCE a week for like.. 2 hour's, coz i have exam's soon, When she had her GCSE's she was always going out, and she NEVER revised, at all.
I would'nt even mind if i went out the week anyother time, but i don't! even when i didn't have exam's i went out generally only on the weekend's. there were a few time's i went out during the week, but that was never regular at all.
And she's so nasty about it aswell, which is the worst thing! she can't just be like " No, sorry sade, but think of your exams", she's condecending, and rude, and belittling.
Which just make's me feel like shit, and make's me feel like i want to scream FUCK YOU.
But i won't.. becasue she's stressed at the minute.. and so am i.
She just called me back now.. and said that i could go, i've got to be home by half 9. an hour early, but its better then nothing.
We had another mini arguement on the fone, because i got the timing wrong and thought that ment i could only have an hour there so i said like, there's no point me going.. and she was like " if i was you i'd be saying that you auntie lucy" etcetc " im always sick of things not being good enough" then i realised about the timing and i was like Stop getting so fucking angry i got the timing wrong, shit. then she calmed down, but i was like talk bout Jump the gun!
S'just fucked.
I just feel really rubbish to be honest. i would very much like a cuddle, a PROPER one, at the moment.

Any offer's?

Secret Alias, xx